Posts

Inner confidence: do you lose your mojo when you compare?

Walking along the beach and I feel the flow of inner confidence…summery, barefoot, in a light singlet dress (that I’ve owned for too many years to even confess to), Millie following beside me and the evening light leaving the sand glowing a creamy pink. I feel good. My hair is tousled from days of sea swimming and it touches my back, just. I’m feeling comfortable in my own skin.

evening-swimming-inner-confidenceI get back to the ute, put my bikini on and run down to the water. I’m the only one swimming and I have the warm(ish) clear ocean to myself. After body surfing a few small waves, dodging some wayward crabs, floating around on my back watching my toes poke out through the water, in the flow mindfulness and sensuality, I go back up and put a towel around me, ready to drive home.

I look in the rear-view mirror. My inner confidence drops.

My hair’s wet and plastered onto my head, I don’t feel the flow anymore and I definitely don’t feel sexy. I run my fingers through my hair to get it a little less flat but by this time I’ve noticed all the freckles that summer has blessed me with and I’m feeling down on my skin now too. In such a swift moment of basking in the glory of the evening I suddenly feel uncomfortable in that same skin that a few minutes earlier I felt fantastically confident in.

Why?

Because I looked in the mirror?

No.

Because of the immediate cascade of thoughts that follow. The comparison. Comparing what I see to what I wish I saw. Comparing what I see to how I felt a few minutes ago when I wasn’t in front of a mirror. Comparing myself to pictures, magazines, movies and other women.

I ponder this thought as I drive back home, noticing that suddenly I’m not watching the light on the trees as closely or how my wet hair feels so refreshing on my neck. I observe myself, wondering how it is that as women we are so quick to judge. So quick to criticise and so quick to wish for something different than what we have.

In my search for deeper self confidence I’ve been practicing shifting this self-deprecating tendency for the last few years.

inner-confidence-self-love-mirrorIn the bathroom at home, ready to rinse off I stand and look at myself in the mirror. I look at my freckles, I look at the marks and fine lines and even though criticism is lurking in my mind, I smile. This is my trick these days. When I start getting a bit heavy on myself I smile at the face in the mirror and then I say something nice like, “You’re awesome” or “Look how much fun you’ve been having”, or I just wink at myself.

After all I am my steadiest companion, I am my oldest, most loyal friend, so to keep that relationship healthy I need to focus on the good and feed it with goodness.

Mindfulness, sensuality, being in the moment, not comparing and having tricks to snap you out of that quickly spiralling self-deprecating voice that surfaces = growing inner confidence, contentment and a good relationship with number one – yourself!

Here’s to the journey!

Are Bee Sensual products anti-aging?

if-you-compare-yourself

Who or what are you comparing yourself with when you say…

“I’ll pay anything for the word anti-aging on a cosmetic container.”

“I don’t want to age!”

“I hate wrinkles, they make me look so old!”

Is it a photo-shopped image in a magazine or online?

One thing Bee Sensual won’t have on its label is the word anti-aging, because instead of creating a fear of aging, I want our products to inspire those who use them to embrace themselves exactly as they are without wanting more and without comparing themselves to an idea of what they ‘should’ look like. I want our products to create a sense of self-love.

Here’s my opinion on anti-aging:

1)  Focusing our energy on what we don’t want and what we are fearing will only make us less satisfied with the many things our body and skin do for us. Do you really want to look 25 when you’re 55 anyway?

I know I don’t. I have however also been trained to want blemish free skin, so of course part of me would prefer smooth, even skin…but worrying about it and stressing about making it happen…that’s going to make my skin ‘age’ through stress. Instead I work on embracing those freckles, those lines, those scars…

Do you look at these wrinkles and think that they're ugly or 'less than'?

Do you look at these wrinkles and think that they’re ugly or ‘less than’?

As a society I think we often place happiness outside of ourselves. If only my skin looked smoother…lighter…darker, then I’d feel happy in my own skin. If only I didn’t have those bumps on my hips, then I’d be able to love myself and feel happy in my body. As long as we’re basing our happiness and value on these external things there will be something missing. We will always find something that isn’t perfect and needs fixing.

I believe the key is to shift our focus, slowly and gently, to what we love or like about ourselves. Just ask a friend or partner or family member to list your great qualities. No doubt that will be an easy job for them. These wonderful qualities will not fade with time, they will only become more vibrant and glowing.

Also focus on what you love about your body. If I talk more about that though this blog will be pages and pages long 😉

For a beautiful perspective on growing older without aging, head over to Christiane Northrup’s website for a library of talks and inspiration.

2) Do you really believe that a cream you use topically can magically make you look 25?

Again, I don’t! I believe that your skin is a reflection of your inner physical and emotional health. If we fill our days with mental stress and negative self-talk, drink lots of soft drinks or energy drinks, eat food on the go, eat processed food and wind down with bottles of wine…what are our organs going to think, and then how is our skin going to reflect this?

To be honest I think the most damaging to our body is the mental chit-chat that goes on. If you want to know about all the incredible things that happen in your body when you stress yourself out, read Dr Libby’s work here.

Here’s where sensuality and mindfulness can work wonders. I know your day is busy. I understand that you’ve got 350 million things to juggle. I know you don’t have time for morning meditations and nightly yoga. I get it, I promise! What you do have time for though is drinking a glass of water and washing your hands.

So, how about you connect those activities (and others if you choose) with a healthy dose of mindfulness? As you drink that glass of water, feel it…taste it…notice all the sensations in those moments. If your mind wonders just bring your attention back to that glass of water. As you’re washing your hands, look in the mirror and find one tiny thing (more if you can) about yourself to be thankful for…maybe it’s your smile, maybe it’s a little freckle that you love, or maybe it’s that you’ve got your favourite lipstick on today that makes you feel happy inside 🙂

love-your-freckles-face-bee-sensual

If you’re on the hunt for anti-aging, see if you can go out and just embrace you for you. Try not to compare yourself to others, and when you do, be gentle with yourself.

You are beautiful!

I know that for sure, and I’m always here to support you on your journey as you come to realise that you truly are 🙂

Aroha,

Kali